This weekend I was moved to tears by all of you. You people who come together for a common good. A common healing, with wholesome intentions and good connections. And then just now, I watched this post
I guess this guy who calls himself the “Goshfather” recognizes a moving experience too, and not only did he acknowledge it, he added to it. I watched it over and over again and each time I cried at the end. I can feel the love, the support and the connection that is happening, just because someone caught it on video. I am totally moved by all of you. The people who take the time to capture a moment. This is what life is about. This is why I am doing my Masters in Adventure. This is why I am capturing the little moments by video because you never know where it will take you. Maybe to a TV show with an entire band of phenomenal people who will join in for that début to recognize you. So that you may truly be seen.
A dear mentor of mine named Marion Prochnau used to say that intimacy was IN-TO-ME-SEE… this is a hard place for me to be, and boy did this ring true this weekend. For some reason I have carried this internal fear of being seen. It’s funny because I go around wearing rainbow sweaters and leg warmers that are made to stand out, and yet my biggest fear is to truly be seen as who I really am. There are only a few chosen people in my life that I let my true colours show. And with them, I feel like I spend more time making excuses than just being myself.
This weekend I had a clear intention of truly letting go of what I feared most… being seen for who I truly am. I took a couple of items that resembled that fear, and I wanted to die and be re-born with this new sense of self. What came to me was that I needed to be seen as I let go, I needed to feel the cold on my skin, then feel the burning hot of the fire against my skin to remind me that I am alive.
In some ways the “Goshfather” is a storyteller, someone who brings people together, and who allows people to be seen. In my world there is a man who does this for me, who goes by the medicine name of Windwalker. Wes Gietz has been a man who has moved me since I met him. The sense of community, the way he brings people together for a common good, and in his humble way smiles and gives gratitude. Although Windwalker’s approach is not the fame and glory of TV, I wanted to share my story about this weekend because in nature, in a wild place in Black Creek I got more warm and fuzzy feelings, goose bumps and resonance from a day in a sweat, than I did from the video of the man Jesse playing his guitar. Yet the deep intimate connection that moved me in both cases are similar.
[Out of respect for the sacredness of this sweat ceremony, I did not take a video of any of our deep experiences that we had in the woods, but with permission, I captured but a glimpse of what moved me on Sunday.]
Here’s my story…
A few weeks ago Windwalker sent out an email as a reminder for the monthly sweat, and with it he added a little note about bringing something as a symbol to let go of any pain or anguish in my life, and burn it in the fire. I have done this in many different ways as a spiritual release, to truly let something go. For the past 3 days I was tossing and turning over what this feeling was inside me that I needed to let go, and yet didn’t have the words, or the symbol to prove it. Then it dawned on me…
… I am afraid of being seen.
When I say that out loud, or scream it in my head, I cry. Whoa do I ever cry. Where is this coming from? I don’t understand…
… “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
This has been my motto since grade 11. Why is it so scary to be seen?
9am on Sunday morning, I pulled my things together and made my way out to the sweat in Black Creek. I knew we had a job to do. The sweat had just collapsed due to the water and ice, and we had to splint the sweat, or else it would be closed for the winter, and that just wouldn’t do. So I joined over 10 other people, some I knew and received warm smiley hugs, and others I met for the first time. We splinted the sweat and put posts in the middle to hold it up. I asked permission to take some photos, and was truly blessed that everyone said I could, even if it was being posted on Facebook.
Windwalker’s humble and genuine intentions gave me goose bumps. It was a pleasure to not only help re-build the sweat, but share in this moving experience with all of the people who came that day. I was fully present in the experience, we sang, sweat, and I cried. Windwalker’s message rings true “I am nobody special, I am not even special enough to be forgotten” (From his mentor).
This is experience on Sunday of coming together and building in community for healing is what I believe is so necessary in life. And thank you to Helen, who was a strong shoulder for me to express my concerns, and share in deep conversation. Something that truly moved me was when she shared about coming together with intention to heal, to connect, share food, share song, and feel like a community is all we really crave in life. Is there anything more than this?
another inspiration from this moved day…
“You can never make everyone happy unless you lie to yourself or others. ” Powerful message… Blessings to you Beth Root for your strong words today too! This is just one more reminder to speak my truth.